Dogs Don’t Speak English …
Posted by Rick - 08/07/04 at 11:07:19 amDogs don’t speak English. They don’t speak French or German, for that matter, either. And yet I, and many, many others, continue to speak to them as if they understand what it is we are saying in our native tongues. There’s nothing wrong with speaking English (or any other language) to a dog—it is the only way we have to communicate after all—but it does seem a bit silly at times. Especially when one finds themself not only speaking to a dog, but speaking to them as if they are baby humans.
Despite the fact that so many people seem determined to claim otherwise, Haley is not a Training BabyTM. We didn’t get her to find out if we are somehow meant to be parents or to prepare us for parenthood. Still it is a bit disconcerning when I find myself muttering under my breath to the dog at 6 AM, saying things like “Go potty, Haley. Good puppy, go potty outside. Goooooood puppy, go potty outside!” or “Where’s your ball? Where’s you little ball, Haley? Where’d it go?!”
Why do I speak this way? The dog doesn’t speak English; and it certainly isn’t going to pick up—or repeat—any “bad” language we may utter. So why am I not saying things like “Take a shit, dog. Good dog. Take a shit, girl.” Why don’t I tell her to “Cut that shit out, Haley!” or to “stop eating those f#@ing worms!”
I mean, the dog does not speak English, after all.
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Bark! Bark! Bark! Arf, woof, woof, pant pant pant.
<you silly humans, when will you understand how to speak dog?!?>
Comment by Josh — July 9, 2004 #
dogs typically respond to a kind of baby-talk pitch, at least. something like “yo, luce, how about you sit down” doesn’t get much of a response, whereas when I use my “peekaboo!” voice I can get her to roll over and play dead and all kinds of stuff.
and in my experience it is really hard to say things like, “lucie, would you just pick a fucking spot and take a piss already?” in a happy-happy-cooing voice. even though that may be exactly what’s going through my mind.
Comment by rabi — July 10, 2004 #
Dogs don’t play cards , either….which is why I don’t get the whole companionship deal….and Haley will never be big enough to play Twister!! John
Comment by John Tischer — July 12, 2004 #
John: Dogs can play cards. They just aren’t very good at bluffing. I think it’s a tail thing.
Josh: Haley barely makes any noise, let alone barking.
Comment by Rick — July 13, 2004 #
But, Rick, our Haley doesn’t have a tail. So that means she’s good at bluffing, right?
On second thought, she’d probably just eat her hand. And her poker chips. And then get down on the floor and look for bugs…
Comment by Sarah — July 13, 2004 #
Congrats on the pup
Sounds like the temperament is very close to my buddy (old picture). Barely makes a peep and he’s bouncy, but at 70lbs it’s not fun when he jumps on my chest anymore.
Comment by Jake — July 21, 2004 #
My dog understands French.
Comment by Av — August 6, 2004 #
sarah, rick
i’ll be sending you a huge email just as soon as i am moved to new town, new job, new flat, new smiles
happy to contribute to the dog thread whilst recalling zappa’s immortal “ethel, the modified dog”
arf, she said!
much love… nick
Comment by Nick — August 7, 2004 #
It’s too bad that I can’t speak French and talk to my dog. At least I have an expensive pair of glasses that speak French. Take that ForEyes!
Comment by Av — August 17, 2004 #