Dogs Don’t Speak English …
Dogs don’t speak English. They don’t speak French or German, for that matter, either. And yet I, and many, many others, continue to speak to them as if they understand what it is we are saying in our native tongues. There’s nothing wrong with speaking English (or any other language) to a dog—it is the only way we have to communicate after all—but it does seem a bit silly at times. Especially when one finds themself not only speaking to a dog, but speaking to them as if they are baby humans.
Despite the fact that so many people seem determined to claim otherwise, Haley is not a Training BabyTM. We didn’t get her to find out if we are somehow meant to be parents or to prepare us for parenthood. Still it is a bit disconcerning when I find myself muttering under my breath to the dog at 6 AM, saying things like “Go potty, Haley. Good puppy, go potty outside. Goooooood puppy, go potty outside!” or “Where’s your ball? Where’s you little ball, Haley? Where’d it go?!”
Why do I speak this way? The dog doesn’t speak English; and it certainly isn’t going to pick up—or repeat—any “bad” language we may utter. So why am I not saying things like “Take a shit, dog. Good dog. Take a shit, girl.” Why don’t I tell her to “Cut that shit out, Haley!” or to “stop eating those f#@ing worms!”
I mean, the dog does not speak English, after all.